Monday, September 7, 2009

New season, big news

Hi, my friends. Sorry I've been away for a while. I had to get through August, my most hated, dreaded month. I won't get into my many "boo-August!" feelings, but let's just say now that there's cooler air, I'm a happier girl.

It's been a wacky few weeks in a number of ways, and it's time I catch you up. I've been anxious and emotional, swollen and achy. I've been tired beyond reason, most nights falling asleep in Sweet Boy's bed as we say prayers. I've been dealing with 24/7 nausea and a complete lack of appetite, yet I've managed to gain 7 pounds. My exercise routine is suffering greatly; I count it as a good week if I get out for a 45-minute walk 3 days. And I've given up my two favorite beverages, coffee and wine.

However, right around last weekend, I started to feel human again (or at least not as nauseous and a tad less tired), even though I have to loop a rubberband through the buttonholes in order to fasten my pants. And we've made it through the first couple months, especially through August, so now I can tell you what you've already figured out:

I'm pregnant! It only really sunk in the other day when we heard Baby's heartbeat at my doctor's appointment. We're going to have a baby! Can you believe it?!

I'd been holding my breath since we first found out in mid-July. In fact, Big Daddy and I realized a few weeks into this adventure that we were speaking in code and euphemism, never really saying the words baby or pregnant, as if uttering these words aloud would somehow jinx us and bring on that pain we felt in March. In fact, I think we were both fairly shocked that this pregnancy happened so quickly after the miscarriage, and our excitement has been tempered with extreme anxiety. I've noticed this anxiety, too, in our families when we told them our news a couple weeks ago, like no one wants to get too excited until they can see my giant belly and feel those little kicks.

The only person in our family who has shown true, unadulterated excitement is Sweet Boy. He talks to my belly button every day, asks about what things he can play with his little brother (the idea of a sister is completely foreign, of course), and he giggled with glee when he heard the heartbeat the other day. I will hold forever in my heart the image of his wide eyes when he heard that beautiful whoosh-whoosh on the Doppler. We look at the Your Pregnancy This Week book every weekend, and he giggles at the idea of a baby the size of his thumb one week, then a baby the size of a plum the next. These are yet more reasons I thank God every day for the wonder, joy, and hope this boy has brought into my life. And these are reasons I can get excited about Baby Deuce joining our little clan in March.