Sunday, August 29, 2010

The lump in my throat

I'm a mess. Trying to hold it together. But I keep catching myself lost in goopy, mushy nostalgia. I haven't yet pulled out the baby photos, but it's only a matter of time.

I put one of Sweet Boy's hand-me-down outfits on Baby J this morning and caught myself sniffling. Then later in the pool, I was playing with SB and found myself squeezing him (much to his chagrin) and reminiscing about the baby swim lessons we took there together. Not so long ago. This evening I had to leave the room as Big Daddy and SB laid out all his school supplies. And I snuggled with my big boy just a little longer than usual at bedtime, rubbing his head and back until he accused me of "petting him like a kitty" and kicking me out of his room.

All day there has been a lump in my throat and a churning in my belly. I'm not sure if the sobbing or the vomiting will happen first, but they're both there, latent, threatening. The thought of waving goodbye as he gets on that school bus Tuesday is more than I can bear.

Melodramatic? Maybe. Ridiculous? Perhaps. Over the top? Most definitely. But I can't help myself. It's kindergarten. And it's arrived way too fast.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Deep breaths. It is or job as parents to try to raise our children to be independent and free thinking adults. Think of this as your fist big step in that process. What an exciting time in his life. Hang in there and if you need to shed a few tears it is okay. No one said being a parent was going to be easy.

Christi