Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Happy thought

I'm feeling blue this week. No real reason for it, just a general let-down from the big wedding combined with a little bit of anxiety over all this economic biz. So, instead of getting all melancholy on you, I want to write about a happy time a few years back....

It was just about this time four years ago that I found out I was pregnant. Even though we had been trying to get pregnant for over a year and were feeling pretty stressed about that single aspect of life, it was a time of general hopefulness -- a presidential election year, the Red Sox in the World Series. My husband had been in the hospital through most of the month of August (he will tell you that all the "trying" is what landed him there, but don't believe it), so we were really just grateful to be together and healthy and young. We planned a big Halloween party to gather all our best friends around and just have a good time.

I took a pregnancy test the day before the party, which also happened to be the day after I'd attended a John Kerry rally. I had some clues that I might be pregnant -- nausea at the smell of coffee on the morning of the rally and an overwhelming need to wretch when I walked into the liquor store for the party booze -- mind you, coffee and beer are two of my favorite things -- so even though I'd been disappointed with every other test I'd taken that year, I mustered the courage and peed on the stick.

Much to my shock and amazement, two little pink lines showed up on the stick. So I took another test. And another. And another. And finally, unable to catch my breath or think straight, not sure if I felt nauseous because of pregnancy or excitement or anxiety or all of the above, I called my friend. I knew I couldn't tell Big Daddy over the phone, and I also knew that if I didn't tell someone, I would go nutty. So I squeaked the words out and I cried with my friend a little, and she helped me catch my breath and come back to earth.

I bought a tiny neutral colored layette to wrap up for my sweetie, since it was a couple days before his birthday. When he got home, though, I was so keyed up that he guessed the surprise the second I handed him the wrapped box. I don't think he even opened the box, come to think of it. We sat on the squishy little sofa in our condo and giggled and cried and cuddled the whole night. One of the most perfect days of my life.

We had the Halloween party and I didn't tell anyone, though I know my friends thought it odd that I wasn't enjoying any of the, um, adult beverages. (I was exhausted too...all that cell division is really hard work!) And on Halloween day we went to the Eagles game. I remember it all so clearly -- a brilliant fall day, warm and clear, and we sat in great seats with some of Hubby's coworkers. We were both giddy all day with our secret, feeling like every possibility that life could offer was just sitting there with us, waiting.

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